Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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