Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Also, beer. Big fan.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize