I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
