So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
