living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize