I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I think a kid would responsible me up
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
