Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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