see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize