Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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