Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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