...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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