therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
