I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We just shotgunned beers for America
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
