fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Operation Purity has been aborted
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize