JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
