Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
