This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
