This is not my ceiling
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
