the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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