Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize