if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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