he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
