My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
