I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
