That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
