You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
