Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
