Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
