Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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