if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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