she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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