I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
