i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
