she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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