garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
