I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
