oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
