and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
