and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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