But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
