mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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