Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
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