Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
