textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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