Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I wish i was in the wii world.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
