so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
