Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
she pinky promised me she was 18
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
