hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
