Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
