So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
This is classic penis vs brain.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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