I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
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