Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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