respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
