He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
