cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
