my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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