I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize