i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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