i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
