I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm both gender and math confused
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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