I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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