Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
