I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
