just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
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