We got so high we made milksteak
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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