Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
