Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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