when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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