P.S. I can't hear my feet
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
