I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
