dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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