Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
