i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
