i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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