good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Who died my cat blue again?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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