1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
