I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
