you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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